Let's Get Physical

In the interest of getting in shape and maybe even a bit toned before the absolute end of swimsuit season, I joined a gym. My interests lie in using the equipment we 1) can't afford to have at home and 2) even if we could afford, don't have room for in our house. Elliptical trainers, treadmills, really zippy reclining bicycles. I love them all. I also use some of the weight machines if I'm not too sweaty and I don't have to wait. I'm not exactly the most regimented exerciser in the world, something I hoped to rectify this go round. So when the perky lady signed me up for the membership, she also convinced me to sign up for a free meeting with a personal trainer. Maybe it was stupidity, maybe it was a last ditch effort to wring value out of the chunk of change I put down for the membership, I signed up to meet with Wendi.

As you might have imagined, it did not go well. Wendi was a slightly rotund, 60-year old, very butch white woman wearing too tight Nike jog shorts and a crooked smile. The smile got wider as she pronounced I would need to lose between 25 and 45 pounds to be "normal" according to her charts. She talked over me, around me, and through me, not really listening to my fitness goals or preferences. She also lingered a little too long on my measurements, cradling my waist as if to say she was willing to let the extra 45 slide if I was.

"How did it go with Sergio?" asked my loving husband with a smile.

"Sergio was a wrinkled, randy, lesbian who acted like I was preparing to audition for the Bolshoi, not feel better in the swimsuit I already have ($20 at the Costco, thank you very much!). If I want to embrace my inner anorexic again, or suddenly decide to switch teams, I know who to call for support." Then I schlepped my gym bag upstairs and took a long hot shower.

Maybe some people really are destined to just be cute and not drop dead gorgeous. For every Mary Anne, there is a Ginger to throw a wrench into the works- for every Betty, a Veronica. But I guess if I had to choose, I would choose cute with a backbone over gorgeous and spineless. After all, thin tastes good, but right tastes fantastic.